When I began my career working for the U.S. federal government many years ago, I received so many blessings, many who came in the form of human angels that set me up for the award-winning career I had.
Several of my friends had worked at the same organization for some time and helped me navigate a very complex web of systems and processes both in and out of the office. I started off with a strong female boss who entrusted me with opportunities to shine right away.
My boss assigned not one, but two, amazing mentors to help me learn the ropes. Both had decades of experience in the work I was doing and had different gifts to offer.
I was such an excited newbie, and I smiled a lot. I loved where I worked and what I was doing. Why wouldn’t I let it show?
One of my mentors—let’s call him Jay—had been around long enough to retire and then come back as a contractor. He’d seen the team go through successes and learning experiences. He’d lived through changes in the organization and in the problems we were trying to solve.
Jay found it amusing that I was always smiling. One day he said to me, “Tami, you always smiling. How you always smiling?”
I responded that I loved what I do so why not smile.
Jay said, “That’s a good thing. Never let them take away your smile. They’re gonna try, but don’t you let ‘em.”
I have to tell you, I didn’t believe him.
I was having such a good time doing what I was doing. Sure, I experienced challenges, like the time I wrote my first report for high-level policy makers and spent two days negotiating with a colleague from another office over the language of ONE sentence to gain the analytic consensus we needed.
Or the time a more senior teammate gave me the cold shoulder and chewed out my mentor because I unknowingly broke an unspoken norm regarding pecking order, roles and responsibilities.
Many more frustrations laid ahead of me after my mentor gave me this wise piece of advice about my smile, and so did lots of adventures, triumphs, and satisfaction. I was willing to deal with the challenges because I believed in the organization’s mission and in my purpose in helping to fulfill it.
Until one day I realized I wasn’t smiling as much anymore.
I had reached the highlight of my career—what one of my managers called a once-in-a-lifetime success. Trust me, I was thrilled with that win.
And, I was exhausted from all the work it took to get there. I got to the point where every request that came in made me mad, at a time when I should have been celebrating our achievements.
Underpinning it all was an emotionally manipulative and controlling relationship that I didn’t even know I was in, because the offenses were so subtle.
What I did know, was that I’d lost my smile, and it was time to take a break and make a change.
So I did—first in my job and then in my relationship. I took a two-year assignment to a new office, where I started teaching leadership development, and I finally got out of that toxic relationship.
In the years that have passed since then, I always try to be mindful of when I’ve lost my smile. I’ve learned that no one really takes it from me. Neither my boss, my work, my organization, or even my ex-boyfriend stole it from me.
Most of the time, I’ve simply lost track of my smile. Sometimes it likes to play hide-and-seek just to keep me on track. It’s a sure sign that I need to pause, and look inside to determine what needs to change.
Sometimes you need to adjust something in your outer world. At other times, it’s your inner world that needs modifying.
For example, if you’re exhausted at work, you might need a new job, or you might get your smile back by being thankful you have a job and remembering what you love about it.
If you’re overwhelmed with things to do at home, you might need to hire a handyman to fix what's broken or you might find relief by feeling gratitude that you have a house that needs to be cleaned.
If you’ve suffered a loss outside your control, you might need to enlist some help to move through it or you might need to express your feelings in a journal and find acceptance.
And sometimes, it’s not either or. Sometimes we need both internal and external adjustments to help us get our smiles back.
It’s not always easy. It’s not always one and done.
Whether an internal or external change seems appropriate, know that you always have a choice and you always have the power to make a change, even when it feels like you don’t.
You’ve got this. The world needs your beautiful, heartfelt smile, and I’ll be right here with you to help you rediscover it.
Speak Your Truth
When was a time that you lost your smile and how did you get it back? What’s your biggest challenge to protecting that beautiful smile that comes from your heart?
Let me know in the comments!
In wellness, joy, and inspiration,
Tami