With garlic naan, lentils, and various curry leftovers piled up on our plates, my handsome hubby and I sat down to watch the movie, The Fundamentals of Caregiving, a touching story about a man who becomes the caregiver for a wheelchair-bound teenager who has muscular dystrophy.
In one scene, the main character, Ben, sits talking with a pregnant woman named Peaches, who asks him what it’s like being a parent.
Ben answers, “Every corny thing you’ve ever heard about having a kid is completely and utterly true. It’s the only reason we’re here.”
It was one of many bittersweet, lump-in-your-throat moments in the movie, and it got me thinking about purpose.
Purpose answers the question, “why am I here?” or “what is my mission in life?”
Though procreation and caregiving to one’s offspring might be a purpose, it’s not the only one for all of humanity.
I’m not diminishing the importance and beauty of having kids, and the courage and caregiving that parenthood requires.
If having kids is the only reason we’re here, though, then the implication is that those of us who don’t have kids have no reason for being here, that we’re purposeless, or that we’re failing in the contribution department.
People like Mother Teresa, who helped so many children despite bearing none, Oprah Winfrey, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Coco Chanel, Leonardo DaVinci, and many other everyday childless leaders and heroes prove Ben’s statement incomplete.
We all have a unique purpose and role in this play we call life. According to one of my spiritual teachers, the Mother of Pondicherry, it’s “the outer manifestation of the inmost depth of our being.” [1]
That might sound mysterious, scary, and hard. How the heck do you discover the inmost depth of your being?
Finding your purpose requires looking inside, observing, and listening even as you explore various roles and activities in your external life, but it doesn’t have to be scary or hard.
Yoga—including and beyond the postures—and meditation offer a great place to start because they help you get to know yourself better. The yogic path provides a framework for learning to listen to your body and your heart or emotions.
The body and heart will always tell you when something’s off, in their own languages—pain, nausea, unease, sadness, fear, etc.
When the mind is running the show without its partners of the heart and body, it can get swept up in “you should do this” from external sources and push past those messages from the body and heart. That could look like pressure to go into a certain profession. It might develop into a habit of putting your head down and “working through the pain” regardless of the feeling that something isn’t right. Or the mind can get stuck in the “what if” and analysis paralysis, leading to inaction and regret.
None of these scenarios are wrong or bad. They might even be steps to discovering your mission. After all, an Olympian wouldn’t be living their purpose if they didn’t sometimes push through the pain.
Discovering your purpose takes all three—mind, body, and heart—working in unison.
When you look inside, whether through yoga, meditation, journaling, your own chosen contemplative practice, or even working with a coach, you can start to see the thread of your purpose running through your life. What really matters to you will start to shine through the outside noise and clutter, and the greater difference you’ll be able to make in your own and others lives.
Speak Your Truth
Do you know what your purpose is? Do you have kids and are they your only purpose or do you believe you’re here for reasons beyond your kids? Do you have a feeling that you’re off mission somehow? Let me know your thoughts below in the comments.
Know this:
Whether you have kids or not, whether you’ve identified your purpose or not, whether you think your purpose is big or small, you matter. You have purpose, a unique reason for being here, and I can’t wait to see what you do with it.
In wellness, joy, and inspiration,
Tami
[1] Dalal, A.S., editor. Looking from Within: A Seeker’s Guide to Attitudes for Mastery and Inner Growth, Gleanings from the works of Sri Aurobindo and The Mother. Sri Aurobindo Ashram Publication Department, 1995.